I hate my heart!

It doesn’t tell me a thing
What’s going on inside it!

It hides from me
Its deepest longings
Or tells me at a time
When I shan’t recognise it
Or If I’d recognize
I wouldn’t remember it
Or even if I’d remember
I shan’t …

I hate my heart!
It holds him
Deep inside

And I

Am unable
To uproot him

I hate my heart

It holds those beautiful sun days
The rainy ones
The misty ones
And those nights too

In a memory of its own
Which silently
Seeps into my blood
Flows in my veins
Colours me
Shapes me

So that
when I look at my reflection
I find…
Not myself
But a myself!

I hate my heart!
It writes what I write
And I don’t!
And decides for me
The right time
The right words!
And the pages I’d fill…
Ah! They aeren’t my own
The culprit is inside me!

I hate my heart!
Coz it keeps beating
Doesn’t obey me
It beats for a mother
And then a found father
and for everyone
Whom it watches
And squeezes
Inside itself

I hate my heart!
It decides the colour I like
It decides the people I keep
Or those
I throw away
Every single heart
It has made beat a lil’ faster
Its given them
a memory
a taste
And it still wonders sometimes
What’s become of them?

I hate my heart!
It doesn’t tell me a thing
When am alive
As am conscious
It breathes its deepest secrets
Only inside itself

I hate my heart!
Coz just when I don’t want to hear it
It breathes its deepest secrets
Into me
And that’s the fragrance
I am made up of

That is me..
My heart!





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