30 secs with big B!

Shalini - looking at Big B as he passes by her desk - she clearly has STARZ in her eyez!

Shalini is super flattered he lookz at her thrice and smilez!

Shalini notices his black rimmed glasses are actually a lil marrrrroon too!

Shalini still kpz smiling.. and lookz straight into his eye & finally sayz - i loved PA .. :)

Big B turnz a lil .. looks at her & smileZ like a good ol' granpa - and Shalini DREAMZ --
he lookz like hez ready to shake handz with her!

But SHALINI ONLY SMILEZ!

And he STOPZ BY - lookS at her once- givez her a BIG SMILE and sayz - THANK YOU SO MUCH!

a small sigh escapez him - she notices -- hez transformed for a split second - remembering Auro!

the secondz passed!

f* it man! she thinkz - he dz have a sexy baritone voice!

Shalini still has butterflies in her stomach as she writez thiz! ;)

I hate my heart!

It doesn’t tell me a thing
What’s going on inside it!

It hides from me
Its deepest longings
Or tells me at a time
When I shan’t recognise it
Or If I’d recognize
I wouldn’t remember it
Or even if I’d remember
I shan’t …

I hate my heart!
It holds him
Deep inside

And I

Am unable
To uproot him

I hate my heart

It holds those beautiful sun days
The rainy ones
The misty ones
And those nights too

In a memory of its own
Which silently
Seeps into my blood
Flows in my veins
Colours me
Shapes me

So that
when I look at my reflection
I find…
Not myself
But a myself!

I hate my heart!
It writes what I write
And I don’t!
And decides for me
The right time
The right words!
And the pages I’d fill…
Ah! They aeren’t my own
The culprit is inside me!

I hate my heart!
Coz it keeps beating
Doesn’t obey me
It beats for a mother
And then a found father
and for everyone
Whom it watches
And squeezes
Inside itself

I hate my heart!
It decides the colour I like
It decides the people I keep
Or those
I throw away
Every single heart
It has made beat a lil’ faster
Its given them
a memory
a taste
And it still wonders sometimes
What’s become of them?

I hate my heart!
It doesn’t tell me a thing
When am alive
As am conscious
It breathes its deepest secrets
Only inside itself

I hate my heart!
Coz just when I don’t want to hear it
It breathes its deepest secrets
Into me
And that’s the fragrance
I am made up of

That is me..
My heart!





....

derz sth wrong!

there’s a lump in my throat

memories elude me
people in my mind space clutter me

dialogues
monologues
some mine
some theirs

some looks
that you never forget
those eyes
haunt me still

How do I tell you
What reminds me of u?

Shall I talk about that car ad?
Or the comeback of a certain singer?
Just why do I buy your favourite colour?
Just why do I feel so happy
everytime i remember
that am in possession of a certain book..
that I did not return to you?

Just what do you want me to tell?
Or for a change.. you tell me..
Simply honey.. why don’t you get out?

The simple promise you made
With not a promise
But a confession
Two words
And a smile behind it…

The idea you evoked
In me
The long way it went

Just what all do you want me to tell?

The people around
My friends
My teachers
people who are both
My family
My books
My steps
To the marketplace
The drive
the bend of the curve
right there
where you changed your route
and drove another mile
with me

Just what all do you want me to tell??

Shall I tell how the winter remindz me of you?
Your first lie?
You said you hated it
And I later discovered
That you had lied..
just how i discovered you
through your lies..

The pictures you took of the mist
Made it to my desktop

Just what all do you want me to tell??

how the silence in my car
after i get tired of the blaring radio
remindz me
of the silent moments
we spent
discovering Dilli
its roads
its streetlightz
counting how many spread light
and so many
that just slept

Just what all do you want me to tell??
And whom?

The little boy
On the street
When I pass by him
How he stares at me
Just whom was I walking with?
arms around me .. hugging myself
Shall I tell him it is you?

Do I tell my ma.. I wanna hug her n cry
Coz I miss you

Should I tell pa
How I fared in the day
@work
@everywhere
During an interview
Or a shoot
Or when I see a tapestry
Or a wall hanging
Or the favourite stripes
you said you'd like to buy
when you find
a home!

do I tell pa?
the truth how the day passed?
that I was thinking about you?

My best friends
How I hide now
From them
My deepest thoughts
Aches n pains
How u have become my weakness
And my veins
How in that moment of realization
I so earn for
That I alwez
Just always
Find you.

Just what all do you want me to tell??

that
I know no more
What is love
Or what isn’t
And that
I don’t care

If there’s something
Beyond
Beneath
Or
Ahead

All I know
Is that
There is
A reason

Am tired of it
Yet
it exists

All I know
is that
you exist!

Do I?
I don’t care..
But
You..


..
you do exist!





...

Where?
in my last breath
at this moment
there I see you
coming to me
and leaving me…

there you are!















In My World!
..

uncertain!

am feeling so!

am wondering then
if i'd be able to make it

life is so delicate
a pack of cards

one lil whiff
or even a tremble

is enough to shake
or shake off

i wonder then
if my heart would make it

the serenity in one moment
the happiness of another

and the metamorphosis

to the fear
scare
of losing
even gaining

i wonder then
will my heart make it
in the swaying windz
of time
nah - each moment

will it hold ground
to my own roots

..

a crease i notice
forming on my forehead

the tension
of the moment
brought into existance
it holds a fear!
that forestalls me
and the world
from me
for me

..

a waiting
a longing
on newer grounds

the same ol trunk
but a new leaf indeed!

am happy
am sad
am alive
n kickin

but i wonder
if my heart will make it
to the other side

and wen it will

will it carry fear?
or lonliness?

can i forbade the storm?
or will sail through
somehow?

..

for long
i have resisted
the forbidden fruit

and now

..

i at this moment
understand
the countless souls
that i left behind

in my journey

to each one
today i say
i understand!

coz am standing
on the same shore
today
feeling the same breeze on my face

and the fire
beneath it
that gave rise to it

uncertainities these are
i understand their nature now

and as my heart weeps
in pain or pleasure

and i look through
the twirled windz
and typhoons
and tremble

i continue to watch them
and tell them i give in

to the desire
and the fear

for i know now

what i left behind
for all those
i give in

..

for myself
i give them my present moment!

n i continue to watch

like a lover
waiting at the shore
to watch out
for an 'ol ship

even if its in tatterz
or in new clrz

whichever
she tells the world

she'll continue to watch
patiently
silently

except
only a few times

she'll draw
a nameless meaning
on the shore

oh shez so like me
jz a few scribbles here n there!

It alwez happenz!

In the early.. wee hourz of the morning!
I reach out to you!

Am in a different state then!
I just know you are there beside me!

Tell me please.. what’s more real?

Aren’t you there when I call out your name?
The warmth that I feel?
Sometimes.. the temperatures simply soar!
The touch!

With closed eyes, I first wait for you!
And then you arrive!

I can smell you.. !
And I know you've come
just when i call out
in sleep..
With everything
That I so long for!

My eyes are still closed
But my throat .. can slowly feel you
slide down!
And the warmth that I feel..
makes me gush..
and then come alive!

Slowly.. my brain wakes up
Oh! My heart has already woken up to you.. I realize
Out of a habit!

I curl though
This wounded body
Its cold
And you so warm
Just a few moments more.. I tell myself

The clock keeps ticking
Faster than ever
Early morn
When I reach out to u
Before I really wake up

That’s when I really live
That is when it is a morning to me
All of it
With you beside me
My reaching out to you
You coming to me
Before I wake up to the rest of the world
To a dead world really!
Before all that
That’s when really I live!

I wanna cuddle a lil more
In my blanket
Holding you
Close to me
Eyes still closed!

Those moments
are my elixir

In a deadened soul
You are my awakening..






…
..
.








Subah Subah ki chai ki pyaali!

Daffodilz!

Sweet daffodilz!

U remind us of dreamz
Unawakened
Unwoken to
Unrealized
And so
To be chased after!

U talk of a sweet purpose
Of poetry
Of romance
A story
U want to make us live it!

And yet
If we do
we know
we’d again
be slipping…

To only wake up later
To a reality
Which didn’t have to be so complicated

It’s a mystery
this time
will reality be harsh
Or sober

Will I find u
Still there
Afresh
Or worn out?

Will I realize
The dream
Or Will I
Have to abandon it?

Which path should I take?
U tell me
Sweet daffodilz
What is it that
You are bringing this time
With your scent
And serenity
An experience
Or havoc?

U remind us
Of poetry
Of dreamz
Unrealized
And unawakened

Aahhh…
Now I remember
Long ago
Much after
The havoc was once over
I had asked myself…
Just where did it all start?

Oh sweet daffodilz..
I know now..
It was you!