The Brooke...

It was a long lost dream.

The Brooke as I call it.

And its rumbling by for real now. I could taste the greens finally, feel the cool soil, watch the worms squirm, feel complete in an otherwise lonely forest.

The quality of the air is vibrant, with thoughts, feelings, experiences of the self. Yet all you would hear is a silence. Just as thought.

I could sleep, mesmerized. Like many times I have, in that idea. But when it happens for real, you live it. Something, someone reminds you. The moment is mine.

You could see a lot of colours around me. People from the past and future. Those that are a part of you. Each going through their own thought process. Their own feelings. Their own part in the process. Growing and changing and shaping, each moment.

A jungle is a jungle, there will be animals. But by the Brooke, it all feels human. As less human as possible when submitting to the natural forces. As more human as you could be, when you touch the nothingness. The truth.

And beautifully so, you just live it. You do not feel the need to run, escape, leave. You feel entrenched, as entrenched as possible...for it is you who gave birth to that moment, whatever that is happening on the outside. For you know...that it came from the within.

If it were possible to call it love, I would. But I would call it, life. Life as it is. Should be.

If it were possible to call it an adventure, I would. But I would call it life, as it is.

If it were possible to call it a the truth, I would. But I would call it life, as it is.

Those few moments, I won't forget.

Those very, by the Brooke, I would never forget.

..

The story of Desire

At least you know, don’t you? 

I am all silence these days. I don’t know how long this shall last. But I am more comfortable this way. Takes too much energy to speak to someone. Anyone. Any person. I am my own person these days. 

By my own person, I mean I am with you. In my thoughts. In my soul. In that I find comfort. You know that.

People tell me I am no good. They mean I am not being good to them. I know that. When I look at me with their eyes, I agree. But their eyes are all that I can share and do for them. For my heart is set on a different thing. On you.

Call you my dream, my past, my future. Or a dream that was the past and is also the future. Anyone and everyone here, I allow, to choose the nomenclature. But for me, you are the only truth.

I can’t do anything now, but wait. And it is better done in silence. I, then, know that I am on the right path. For when I speak only with myself, I am reminded of you, clearly. With every breath. With each strength. In every weakness. In each desire. I know then, clearly, that it is you who fills me.

I find it funny that the same people have taught me about god, do not like me to traverse these unknown waters. Unknown (it can be) only to the inexperienced. But I suspect, to a point of belief, that each one around me has taken up this journey in their own lil’ way. I refuse to believe no one has. Impossible I feel it is. How much can a soul stay away from the core? How much can one live away from one’s truth?

I am sure they have traversed these paths that I am on now. But they do not seem to want to understand me. To see it as it is. And to see that I am a living person. That there is a heart that is beating inside me. That it is set on a something. And call it a strength or it's biggest weakness, but it beats. And I am only listening to it. Carefully. And then I must follow the sound of those footsteps. I feel I must be late already but follow now I must. That is my only truth. That is my only god. And all that, at times, is best done in silence.

And I do so in the sunshine I wake up to. In the fog that envelopes me. That lil’ flower white and serene, I see and I remember, from the eras past.

I am just like them too. Silent. But living. With you. My desire of me.
...

मैं कोई और नहीं..

तुम्हारा इंतज़ार हूँ..

अपने इस सच का क्या करूँ

जीने नहीं देती

न चैन से मरने देती है

आधी रात को जगाती है

और जब तक के मैं मान नहीं जाती
के बस यही सच है
ये मुझे सताती है

जब तक मुझसे यह दो बात सुन न ले..
सताती रहती है

किसी और बहाने से
कुछ और तरीके से
कुछ छुपा कर
कभी गुनगुना कर

नहीं
कोई तरकीब नहीं मानती

अब मैं क्या करूँ
कैसे कहूँ
और फिर कितनी बार कहूँ
अब तो कहने का जी भी नहीं करता


कोई रास्ता हो तो दिखाओ
कोई उम्मीद हो तो बताओ
हार गयी हूँ
अब तो मान जाओ

गुमनाम होकर
यूँ चुपचाप रहकर...

तुम में ही मैं हूँकोई और नहीं

बस यही सच है

मैं
तुम्हारा इंतज़ार हूँ
बस इतना सा सच है

जो मैं नहीं कह पा रही
तुम एक बार कह दो...
और कुछ नहीं
इस इंतज़ार को एक नाम देदो
इस सिलसिले को फिर एक पहचान देदो
मेरी चलती हुई साँसों को
एक वजह दे देदो
मुझे मेरी.. पहचान दे देदो..

मैं और कोई नहीं...
बस..

Of Spanish Love!

I have always been asked a lot of questions on who all celebs I have met at my work. Shahrukh? Big B?...dadada...and I have always had to patiently explain to the first timers that health journalists have more to do with doctors and scientists, etc etc.

Obviously, meeting an F1 world champion was never even a dream...

But this Thursday morning, there he was...the dream Spaniard! All of F1 red and with clear brown eyes...

Chacha Nehru hospital in Delhi is known for treating kids - especially for polio. I had never been there though. While I was waiting for Alonso to arrive, I understood why it was so famous. Very well maintained and friendly, caring physicians.

I was just fretting over missing my morning chai...and just like that the man arrived. It was a black Audi. Now I am very partial to cars of that make and that colour but once he stepped down, love for the machine was taken over by an obvious something else. Completely, I might add.

Apart from some Spanish channels, we were on for an exclusive coverage. Saree-clad girls did tilak and garlanded him. Of course you found me rolling my eyes! But whatever! Fernando seemed to enjoy it. We tailed him as he went in and lit a candle in front of the Nehru Chacha memorial and then to visit polio affected kids' ward. Some completely unaware but lucky infants got the polio drops administered by him. Obviously the babies couldn't care less but you should have seen the beaming mothers.

Now I know why celebs are brought in for these kinds of things.

                         

I managed to convince his media manager for a quick interview. 'Strictly about polio', he mouthed. I nodded.

The journo in me wasn't expecting much though. Just a couple of bytes, saying: "Yeh, it's so amazing these kids..." and just smiles. No offence meant here but just a cute poster boy.

I was pleasantly surprised. He knew his stuff. He knew India was doing well on the polio front. And it is somewhat endearing to hear a Spaniard talking in broken English.

What do you think of India's progress?

"It has been unbelievable. Think about the situation four or five years ago and to think the last case this year was in January. It is important that parents immunise their children."

Not many people know that you are also the goodwill ambassador for UNICEF. How did you get involved with them in the first place?

"Well...I have been working with UNICEF for almost four years now which is always a good thing to help people who have ..less luck than us. And I am very proud to work with them because I know that all the job they do every day is important....not just for local countries but important for around the world like here...polio in India."

The media manager was already signalling me to stop. I ignored the first time.

How was it visiting these kids in the ward?

"It is always a very unique experience when you visit a hospital with children. ...when you see children it is more difficult to see them with their difficulties. But children...have something special about them."

I couldn't agree more, I thought. In that split second, something made me notice that although the Spanish media and the photographers and the doctors and the hospital staff and the UNICEF people and the parents and kids and god-knows-who-all were bustling around us...plus of course the media manager continuously electrifying us with the looks he was throwing at us...our F1 man wasn't fazed at all. He was speaking straight from his heart. Touche.

 

And for the F1 fans,

"Of course! I am excited, it is a first time in India...so we are all excited about the racing and India is very welcoming." He gave me a smile before the media manager finally got his way. I smiled back and dealt with the media manager's glare for speaking on stuff other than polio. Whatever!

Next step ideally, should be - rush to uplink the bytes, call the office, tell them we have got the man...dadada... But I just hung on and did something I usually never do. I ducked past the media manager and asked Fernando if I could get a picture clicked with him.

He smiled again. Uff! These Spaniards!

एक रंजिश है तुमसे..

..के अब कोई रंजिश भी नहीं 

एक सन्नाटा है 

जो छाके 

शोर छोड़ गया 

बस उस शोर में तुम नहीं 

एक आवाज़ है 

जो गुम हो गयी 

भीनी सी गूँज है 

बस उसमे तुम नहीं 

शोर तो गुल कर गया 

मेरे मन का 

पर मनके पे जो नाम तुम्हारा 

बस उस नाम में तुम नहीं 

एक कहानी है अपनी

ढूंढ रही जो तुम्हे  

तुम्हारा अफसाना 

बस वो खो चली 

यही रंजिश है मेरी.. के तुम हो ही नहीं

बस एक साँस चल रही है

जाने कब टूट जाये

पर जब तक चल रही है

कह रही है

के यह रंजिश है मेरी

 के अब कोई रंजिश भी नहीं

..