Monday, November 21, 2011

The story of Desire

At least you know, don’t you? 

I am all silence these days. I don’t know how long this shall last. But I am more comfortable this way. Takes too much energy to speak to someone. Anyone. Any person. I am my own person these days. 

By my own person, I mean I am with you. In my thoughts. In my soul. In that I find comfort. You know that.

People tell me I am no good. They mean I am not being good to them. I know that. When I look at me with their eyes, I agree. But their eyes are all that I can share and do for them. For my heart is set on a different thing. On you.

Call you my dream, my past, my future. Or a dream that was the past and is also the future. Anyone and everyone here, I allow, to choose the nomenclature. But for me, you are the only truth.

I can’t do anything now, but wait. And it is better done in silence. I, then, know that I am on the right path. For when I speak only with myself, I am reminded of you, clearly. With every breath. With each strength. In every weakness. In each desire. I know then, clearly, that it is you who fills me.

I find it funny that the same people have taught me about god, do not like me to traverse these unknown waters. Unknown (it can be) only to the inexperienced. But I suspect, to a point of belief, that each one around me has taken up this journey in their own lil’ way. I refuse to believe no one has. Impossible I feel it is. How much can a soul stay away from the core? How much can one live away from one’s truth?

I am sure they have traversed these paths that I am on now. But they do not seem to want to understand me. To see it as it is. And to see that I am a living person. That there is a heart that is beating inside me. That it is set on a something. And call it a strength or it's biggest weakness, but it beats. And I am only listening to it. Carefully. And then I must follow the sound of those footsteps. I feel I must be late already but follow now I must. That is my only truth. That is my only god. And all that, at times, is best done in silence.

And I do so in the sunshine I wake up to. In the fog that envelopes me. That lil’ flower white and serene, I see and I remember, from the eras past.

I am just like them too. Silent. But living. With you. My desire of me.
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