There’s nothing called love!

Its all calculationz at the BG.. and when you cant calculate…whoosh.. you call it love!

The line is copied…a friend’s idea… a long time ago!

But I confess…even after having lived as a romantic dreamer all my life.. I confess…I agree now!

Love is nothing!

You imagine all sorts of romantic things. You imagine happy times! You imagine challenging times! You imagine.. a beautiful world!

And you wait… the waiting.. the eagerness… is what’s called love!

Personally…

When I woke up in the morning! The morning next! After I have imagined the end! Got what I ultimately wanted! I found nothing there!

It was up! It was over! The romanticism! The eagerness! The waiting! It was up!

I just went on about my work as usual!

You see anything that takes up mind space – we think its sth spl like love! If its negative – we hate it! if its nice feeling – we call it love!

But it only lasts till you get what you want!

Relationshipz? They may go further! That’s because you still want sth out of the other! Some experience! You remain relevant!

But love? Maybe it is that sth in this whole deal – that you cant explain! Something that makes you go through.. the best or the worst!

But once you have got the experience – it’s done! Some people feel thankful after that! Some feel grateful! Some people realize the worth of the other person!

And maybe they all end up calling it love! Maybe it is!

I don’t deny these feelingz…but love?

Its an in explicable tool! Which leads to all this! Its our subtlest feeling – that many times we are not able to grasp!

So it is that .. and it is this! But at the end.. the morning next .. its nothing at all!

nananana.. na na na.. lalala....i'd rather be...

Here I am - this is me There's no where else on earth I'd rather be.
Loving you
That’s my destiny
That is me
Yes this is me

I have a world
Of endless possibilities
in front of me

I am hurt
I am wounded
Pained and what not

But with happiness
I embrace
Your idea
Your breath
The feel of it
On my throat
In my heart

A gush of emotions
Inside me
They are there
All the while
I hate them
I accept them
The world tells me to drain them

But I .. I love them!

Because it is you
They remind me of

What hurts
Is that its only a reminder

Yet how do I tell you
It is coz of you that I love you..

They tell me
The world is big

I see it now..
They are right

But I love you all the same
Even.. standing where I am…
Here I am - this is me There's no where else on earth I'd rather be!

At any rate.. am alive!!

Viola!

Wake up sid!

Bah!

Pooh!

Oh boy!

Hmmm!

Aah!!

Ohh!!

Wow!!

Really??

Ummm…

Ahaannn!!

At any rate… am alive!


Yeh man! I jz realized! Its been ages I write anything that qualifies.. to the least .. to be called a state mind.. that is happy!

But I am happy today! I think!

At least I was last night!

I love my city.. especially.. at night time.. because.. sometimes.. its allows me to roam around.. freely.. naturally.. with no or not many eyes… watching me .. following me!

I had fun last night.. I felt alive again.. after long! What is this? I didn’t think any other state was posbl!
Oh yes.. am saying this.. the believer of the doctorate that a multiple personality disorder.. .is not really a disorder.. but the only true course of human nature…

However… I had come to blv that .. no other state of mind was posbl.. that I had found my vocation.. that area of contemplation…that’s going to from now on.. devour me..! I thought I had found..

But yesterday.. I realized.. i can be happy! could be happy.. would be..may be.. happy!

At any rate .. am alive!

Will I survive life?

Myself?

The thought occurs to me.. not because am unhappy… not because I am sad or somber.. not because I have nothing else to do!

Its because.. I find myself.. catching myself at times…

When I get to see.. how my personality shifts.. from one moment to another.. from one mood to another

I am perfectly capable as I realize now.. to be different people!

And the best time is.. when I am not aware of it… and still better .. am aware and I accept… and am not afraid of it… have nothing against it!

Am truly happy then!

Lifez like a lesson book! U open it.. some pages take longer to comprehend.. others you sleep over… many you’d like to skip.. the others you tear away.. sometimes to throw away… or sometimes to just..

Hold that page.. near to your heart .. like your heartbeat's written over it… and you float in and out.. into dreams and randomly into reality…

Am not unhappy so! I just give up sometimes..

And yet there are times .. that I watch myself… being multiple.. it feels like the truth!

In seconds I change or so I believe…

In minutes when I expect myself to change.. I find that I remain.. simply so!

And yet .. it’s a matter of time.. before I change again!

I am made like that!

Yes.. that’s true…

Life?.. what about my life? how can I live like that? with myself?

Life depends you see… whether I accept myself or not! That’s it! it doesn’t care much!

It has me! It has a body! A mind! And it can command both! And while it can… it doesn’t bother about me! Whatever else I may want to believe.. it’ll let me! But it wont care!!

Yet sometimes… I understand it!
Yet sometimes… I catch Myself!

Its rare…its regular!

Yes, It is actually so.. because even if I catch myself regularly… it still feels rare!

I am made like that!

My rejection .. of my own… asks me to feel proud about it! Cmmon’ type it.. just say it’s a different plane.. people who'll read this.. will accept that better! Make it a mystery… baby!

But I don’t..
But I won’t..
..

.

Sounds what?

..

Yeh

Yeh..

To me too!!

I am no different..

I am Myself!