Wednesday, December 31, 2008

last day .. 2 hazaar 8!

hmm... the last day of the year! is it supposed to feel ane spl? well maybe atleast sit back n ... reflect..a lil'.. after all i kinda made it through..

so it was good i guess...6 months of pure hard work and no sleep... 4 months of great zing... 2 months of mindlessness...few weeks of complete craze...some long weekends... good books... many cupz of coffee...with found friendz... rediscovering lost causes...

in all that .. there was one thing in particular that happened to me... the only thing that kinda 'happenz'...

love..

now dont get me wrong... i have alwez been self obsessed...so crap it if i ever list myself the 10th on ma list of ppl i love... i have alwez lived for myself...

i have alwez believed that u 'urself' are ur own responsibility.

i myself.. am my best friend...

at the end of the day, the week..the month, year...life...am the one who's gonna be there for myself to take care...so no escaping...

so better be ur own best frnd...atleast make urself tolerable ... to urself!

coming to the point... despite the shit abt being self obsessed...

i found...in this last one year of my existance... some people...whom i fell in love with...

3 ppl in 3 diff roles...a teacher, a frnd and.. a boy...

the teacher has alwez been there for many years...alwez guiding me...but this year... she grew up to be my mother... (there's simply no other word that i can use to mark the relationship)...no less... ntn more... can one ever choose a parent? I did... this year!

and yeh i found a frnd! last jan i think... my best frnd... am i proud to say that!!! and how proud do i feel?? to get soo close to one of the most honest and beautiful ppl i've met on this planet (mind u .. my job is to meet ppl and meet more ppl and meet more) ... truly... i think i feel indebted to her...to the fact there are NO 'debts' that we carry... dats frndship... and i found it again...

and well.. the boy now.. i call him a boy coz' .. i felt like am 'just andr girl'.. when i met him...

within minutes.. i was out of the hardcore self obsessive mechanism.... outta the defences.. outta thinking.. outta perceptionz... outta present ... outta myself ... outta my past 23 years

yes that was him... with him i felt like real me...

i was clearly in trance then... i remembered vaguely later...that i had dreamt as a child...of something like this... vaguely ...

that feeling of .. 'ntn else matterz' ..

i wondered for a while about the trance... wat do u call it.. that mist .. that doesnt blind u .. scare u...not cold but warm... full of love...

oh thats the word...oopzz... i think i bumped into love.. in unxpected quarters...

and

...

..

.

...ntn more...

sorry guyz...was the story just getting interesting??

well.. am truly self obsessed...and still figuring out (( and v havent heard it from each other .. for a long time..and da da da))

but am not writing this today .. coz' i wanna write a love letter hoping that some day.. nahh!! not me!

i just realised that today... the end of this year... i have so much to be thankful for! for dreamz coming true... and dreamz meant to pursued... and these last few minutes...i cudnt decide ... if the former was defnitely the latter for me...

i feel now... that it is..

maybe time to love others enough to live for 'em! i'll try...

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

thank u ..dear teacher!!

Thank u dear teacher!

A pat on the back…
At the right time
Is worth
A thousand opportunities

Just when u r abt to lose
Urself
Into the dark abyss
A ‘well done’
Echoes
And pulls you out
Like nothing else

Thank u teacher

For being hard
When u thought
I deserved it
For if not
I wouldn’t have felt
so happy at the moment
wouldn’t have known
what it is to hate
and be loved!

Thank u

For being the way you are
And making me
What I am

I’ll never forget
in my life
this moment
when you singled me out
and said
‘good work’

!!

fear revisited..

Fear is of the mind
And in the body
It constricts
It contains
It kills
And rebirths

Fear’s in life
It creeps
It stays
It announces itself
It rules
It lives

Fear is still the same
Ages later
Distances measured
Its there
And its here

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

reflection...

wen i look at my reflection
i find a stranger

a strnger who's done familiar things
familiar life
familiar pain
familiar joy

yet none that seems real

when i look at my reflection
i find an ambition staring back at me
fulfilling it .. each and every moment ..she lives

yet .. nothing thats real
for the real lies
in my conscience
in all my travels
in all my feelings
that have travelled eons

it goes right into the universe
and forever explores the fourth dimension
dats my reality
dats really me

n till i find it in my reflection
my soul.. knows not rest!

...

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Dream On..

Thats where it started for me!

A dream
thats what i was born of..
and maybe
that's where i'll end

life
trials
tribulations
joy
peace
violence
happiness
mistakes
mastery
madness
mindlessness
hearty
..
...
....
life goes on..

but .. oh how often i forget ..
that its a dream
and my own

am 'i' living then?
or is it the dream? a desire?
like the so many others...?
that i've had
and gathered now...'more'...
oh! look at me...carrying a bundle of 'em on ma back...

so am 'i' living then?
ha!
the 'i' u see.. is a dream!!