Am wondering!

Am I lost or am I seeking?

There’s only a thin line bwn the two
And at the moment
I cant find it

And there’s no saying
at what time
your heart oversteps the two
and ur mind thinks either

there’s simply no saying!

I wish there was though!
I might appear sane!

I don’t know why…
But I am so ambitious
To appear sane!

Though … I remember
Clearly
And vaguely at times
That sanity is not for me!

I have never known it
I cant make friends with it!

The way I understand myself
I haven’t known what it is to think sane!

I haven’t had the connect since the beginning

I have never cared…but for my own!

But now,
As time awakens me …slowly into another world!
I wonder if that’s the way to go!

Maybe … the world is sane after all!
And maybe .. it has a little space
For the likes of me!

Maybe it can embrace
Someone like me!
If it will.. it will be a surprise!

But am ready to try out
Eager to find it

If it happens!

It feels like some worm
struggling out its cocoon!

Slowly
Steadily
Struggling

Its like the first ray of the sun
That it experiences
That I have seen

Its simple
Its soothing
Its only the early morning light
The whole world seems to feed on it
Lives by it

And yet
My eyes are unaccustomed!

And yet
My eyes are but opening!

That’s it!
That’s where I am!

Strange!
Being born
After more than a decade of being born!

Strange
Very strange!

I don’t know what am I proceeding towards
Life
Or death!

But as they say
Either ways
Each one is meant to die!

I tell them,
The feeling counts!
I don’t want to die…
When I still want to live!

And they clutter me with voices
Different viewpoints
It all sounds like blabber!

I don’t know what it means!
I cant see a clearing ahead!

And yet
Each day
I go their way!
Each night
I sleep
A dreamless sleep
Or dream
Of some reality
But one, that never becomes the reality!

Am neither here
Nor there!

Where am i?
In life?
Or in death…?

I seem to be nowhere!

Aaaahhh… they all seem to be telling me..

It’s the feeling that matters!
Feeling alive
Or you feeling dead

That’s all that counts!

Just how am I to find out anyway!
Am still in the cocoon!