Over a cup of American Cappuccino!

It was 8 or 8.30pm that I finally stepped in. It was a hot n sultry evening.. i dont remember the date~ and i took my sweet time taking u turnz n finding a decent place to park my car. finally satisfied .. i went in...

i had apologised for the delay earlier on the phone.. blaming the traffic...the red lightz dadada.. who dsnt in this city?

it wudnt be difficult .. i thought .. to spot a white american .. in the sea of my own - brown ppl!

in fact .. i was looking fwd to it... but one fleeting glance inside the glass walled CCD while i was trying to find the parking space -- and my heart sank! i saw a white - couldnt make out if it was man or a woman -- with 'weird' looking 'wired' hair -- like those who try and copy the indian Sadhuz.... uff! NO! i would keep staring at the hair, i thought, than the man himself...throughout the meeting!
bah! i told myself...stop being a prick n go in!

I went in! didnt care if i was looking like half drenched in sweat and super tired from the dayz work...And as my twin cameraz reeled the place inside... all backz turned towardz me.. headz leaned in closed user group conversations.. the pan shot stopped at a dreamy lookin chap .. up d lil stairs ... dreamy n lost! i knew at that moment .. it wud b him!

half relieved that the weird wired haired man sitting downstairz to the right wasnt MY man.. still i sheepishly walked some baby stepz... and jz to be doubly sure... i thought i'd ring his phone .. but while he was a good 30 secondz late to spot me... he eventually did.. and i made a non audible verbal sign -- askin his name... and he nodded.. and we both smiled!

dat was Samuel S Chereskin! i still dunno wat the middle S standz for... but wen i started out.. all i cared for was that he was SAM! simply american .. i smiled to myself!

i dont think Sam knows wat my real voice is really like! my throat over the past few months -- has obstinately decided to never come back to its normal tone or voice quality.. i feel that am forever speaking in two voices.. and even then...dat is an effort! maybe this is lifez way of sayin...baby...u got to stop talking and start listening! I didnt think I was there yet!

But .. i made start with Sam!

This was an American being introduced to me through another lovable argumentative strong willed indian by birth american by expression and an interesting and contemplative mix of a boy growing up to be young man .. laughable and a funny friend of mine! my favourite adtnu! it was only in the second meeting over masala dosa and coffee though.. that Sam and i realised how much we agreed upon the duh that he iz!

thank u adtnu! Sam n i started liking each other on similaritiez on this very issue i think!

Sam sounded cheerful...and in a way glad to meet me... he was everything i had presumed he'd be.. but i realised i had presumed v lil..

a student, a curious onlooker, a chronicler, a lover of the linguisticz.. and most importantly.. he had a good smile! so i found myself smiling at him too.. in agreement with the person he waz... he looked like a citizen from the world of my liking in my head!

so our first coffee... extended to dinner... n we shared pizzas and traded some hindi lessonz for spanish!

Never mind! that was only a start! ((And only as i shall later realise...it was going to leave a far deeper impression on me...and a finer understanding of the person i was.. i am.. the shaleeneee... as Sam'z American tongue pronounces it!))

its 4 timez that i think we have met now.. and like good frenz (or iz it too soon to say that??).. we have started hating each other! Az iz.. lifez alwez been a ride for me.. ((and our first meeting had decided on itself that there wud be more meetz n coffeezz...)) i had wondered if this one would be a roller coaster or sth else.

It turned out.. to be sth else!

Coz it IS sth else to talk to a person keeping aside the behaviour patternz one is used to .. without thinking about the impression u r making! simply chatting!

Our discussionz ranged .. i should say.. expansively! from about our respective countries to people living in these two different continentz to the variables and the similarities... to anthropology and the chroniclerz of the same...

from simplistic cultural questionz to deeper religious implicationz on onez social life... and also about what kind of flour is a dosa made up of (here ofcrz i proved myself a dud) to a comaprision of the size of icecream cupz in this country and his own and (bwn linez i figured he liked sushi and i cant even imagine eating raw fish!) to frenz to .. literature (aah... dat really put a smile on my face ... but a sad one this time i realised.. ) .. yes...also to psychology..

and this variety was characterised with a characteristic difference.. these conversationz were marked with no social pressurez... coz we two were from two different societiez.
no judgementz... bec we didnt have a common backdrop to start with .. and so we freely spoke.. and i once again.. was learning how to communicate..

Itz an excellent feeling to talk to a person like that .. esply...if all this iz completely unconscious! maybe at this point i should stop n .. say .. that i enjoyed Sam'z company!

Am often accused of over analysing anything and everything.. but nvr mind...here i go again!

I think all this was partly bec he was an American .. and i was figuring out how American sensiblities worked..and the way and the direction in which the American grey cellz trotted...
through the simple reflectionz... when may times he didnt understand when i joked.. or i didnt understand his!

but for the first time and more clearly so... i observed the working of an Indian mind..

through how i had safely presumed .. ((thanks to some exposure to American teen frenz at school and my own interest in studying people and different culturez .. plus observing and listening to the endless chatter of my dear frnd adtnu...)) that I am slightly more tolerant towards this American... maybe more than my fellow indianz...

And it was only in these days that I observed how i was faring in welcoming a foriegner in my country! Hardly i think i had ever given it a thought! But yes... i was absorbing everything .. just like Sam was on the other end! I should say it was fun!

Like i didnt know .. "how religious" people are in the United States... like Sam didnt know that when i used the phrase "how religious".. i meant to ask sth different .. and like how i didnt know again... and was surprised... that our answers to the same qnz .. sounded v similar!

like i didnt realise realise that i hardly understood how seriously Americans took their 'health care providers'.. -- even after working for more than 4 yrz as a health journalist -- and having access and exposure to many cnn stories!! it was alwez jst a phrase to me.. but speaking to Sam.. changed that! We had a tough battle on whether he should be taking Anti malarial medicationz -- that his 'healthcare provider' advised him to..!!

I was enraged when i first heard that! anti malarial medz?? when therez NO malaria in my country just now! how silly! Xcuse me.. but hello you westerners...where do you think Sam was stepping into -- a disease ridden third world country! U R MISTAKEN! Malaria is seasonal -- and thankfully and althought it IS the season... WE HAVENT REPORTED MALARIA CASES in the year 2009!

those were my 'want to beat that sh** outta ur head' thoughtz... and Sam was the victim! I hadnt opened my mouth...but my facial expression did it ... and well.. another arguement followed!

it took me 5 minz to realise that Sam was acting acc to his docz advice... and he wasnt to blame! my anger melted when he earnestly looked at me and asked...what i thought he should do!
i realised then.. that this American wasnt conceited... nor was he going to assume the know all attitude..
i realised a westerner could have a similar thoughtz like i did! i realised that we could have similar concernz...
i realised how young Americanz could be pretty inclusive in their attitude...surprisingly more than i had thought myself to be..
i realised that Sam wasnt here with an intention to only re-inforce the divide in the culturz...but to form some new opinionz of his own...and those not necessarily about the divisionz..
i realised that this American was giving my country a chance.. to impress upon his thoughtz... what India iz like!
i realised... Americanz dont necessarily have an attitude that went AGAINST my country.
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And herez then what i understood of myself...

One -- how defensive i was about my country! how VERY defensive i was abt its image! and how AGGRESIVE i could get if that image were to be disturbed .. esply if a westerner did not SHARE it or ADOPT it!

And I am not proud about the last two attitudes!

I realised how i was NOT independent...of the bollywood slash media influence of the distant westerner! that i had bought it! huh!

I realised how (without realising) i was trying to influence the American sitting in front of me! and how i so desperately wanted to match up! In saying that my country is SAFE and GOOD! And not like a white man may presume it to be!

I Realise!

I realise that there is truth --

both in his concerns and mine! him worrying abt a mosquito byte and my worrying about my countryz image!

But whatever i realised about the American .. more often did i catch myself getting to know better ... the Indian bwn the two! honestly till this point.. i didnt know much about the way i thought..

I realised that more than the American having presumptions abt my country..I was carrying more presumtionz about his presumptionz...sorry Sam .. if i ever offended u bec of this!

In the infancy of my observationz... i called it -- being 'nationalistic'.. was surprised at how many 'nationlistic feelingz' i had stored in me!

But it only hitz me now... as i write this...that maybe Sam was right when he jokingly accused of being a racist..

n at this point.. i hurt myself...associating myself with the word racist!

but i am glad i clearly understand now .. that the anger of the AGAINST .. that i have observed in the past few dayz .. (and i am not going to spare myslef here in any way or try give any justification whatsoever) ... is also being a part of being a racist! subtle...but nevertheless!

i say that because I feel now in a way.. that the action of hating someone for their perceptionz about u.. only lessenz the tolerance for the other.. and any action that leadz to such a result i feel.. is in inclination and a building block of racism.. I detest that...i am in complete disagreement ...and i disapprove following ane such path!

Only even i didnt knwo that i was practically there!

Thank u Sam .. helping me know myself..
Thank u.. for u took the offences..

Interestingly, it was sth in Samz blog that i read -- that hit me home!

"There is a line in a movie about writing that I keep thinking of. An old Sean Connery asks why it is that the words we craft for ourselves are so much better than the ones we write for others. I have been pondering this line’s logical extensions for days now."

Since i read these...I have tried in full justice.. to undo the logical extensionz... all this was a part of the effort... I have started with myself...

And i hope to myself that ... I build myself into a better person.. and a better citizen!

I have started to listen... and not just chatter one sided!
If this is the right path in life... i hope my throat getz better now -- and that i find my real voice!