last day .. 2 hazaar 8!

hmm... the last day of the year! is it supposed to feel ane spl? well maybe atleast sit back n ... reflect..a lil'.. after all i kinda made it through..

so it was good i guess...6 months of pure hard work and no sleep... 4 months of great zing... 2 months of mindlessness...few weeks of complete craze...some long weekends... good books... many cupz of coffee...with found friendz... rediscovering lost causes...

in all that .. there was one thing in particular that happened to me... the only thing that kinda 'happenz'...

love..

now dont get me wrong... i have alwez been self obsessed...so crap it if i ever list myself the 10th on ma list of ppl i love... i have alwez lived for myself...

i have alwez believed that u 'urself' are ur own responsibility.

i myself.. am my best friend...

at the end of the day, the week..the month, year...life...am the one who's gonna be there for myself to take care...so no escaping...

so better be ur own best frnd...atleast make urself tolerable ... to urself!

coming to the point... despite the shit abt being self obsessed...

i found...in this last one year of my existance... some people...whom i fell in love with...

3 ppl in 3 diff roles...a teacher, a frnd and.. a boy...

the teacher has alwez been there for many years...alwez guiding me...but this year... she grew up to be my mother... (there's simply no other word that i can use to mark the relationship)...no less... ntn more... can one ever choose a parent? I did... this year!

and yeh i found a frnd! last jan i think... my best frnd... am i proud to say that!!! and how proud do i feel?? to get soo close to one of the most honest and beautiful ppl i've met on this planet (mind u .. my job is to meet ppl and meet more ppl and meet more) ... truly... i think i feel indebted to her...to the fact there are NO 'debts' that we carry... dats frndship... and i found it again...

and well.. the boy now.. i call him a boy coz' .. i felt like am 'just andr girl'.. when i met him...

within minutes.. i was out of the hardcore self obsessive mechanism.... outta the defences.. outta thinking.. outta perceptionz... outta present ... outta myself ... outta my past 23 years

yes that was him... with him i felt like real me...

i was clearly in trance then... i remembered vaguely later...that i had dreamt as a child...of something like this... vaguely ...

that feeling of .. 'ntn else matterz' ..

i wondered for a while about the trance... wat do u call it.. that mist .. that doesnt blind u .. scare u...not cold but warm... full of love...

oh thats the word...oopzz... i think i bumped into love.. in unxpected quarters...

and

...

..

.

...ntn more...

sorry guyz...was the story just getting interesting??

well.. am truly self obsessed...and still figuring out (( and v havent heard it from each other .. for a long time..and da da da))

but am not writing this today .. coz' i wanna write a love letter hoping that some day.. nahh!! not me!

i just realised that today... the end of this year... i have so much to be thankful for! for dreamz coming true... and dreamz meant to pursued... and these last few minutes...i cudnt decide ... if the former was defnitely the latter for me...

i feel now... that it is..

maybe time to love others enough to live for 'em! i'll try...