Suddenly …you come across such things in life … that you didn’t know existed!
Or you wanted them to exist so much in the past that their existence in the present only causes fear…
These faces suddenly appear out of the most ordinary ones…and before you can look away, they leave an imprint!
I repeat… they only cause fear…a certain fear now!
Oh why then ...do I smile?
I am not over with my rant people!
And I can’t help it!
It’s the most difficult thing in the world... for a girl to accept that she has a crush on someone! :-) And trust me it takes more courage to write about it!
Knowing me though, most of my friends would disagree! I kinda have a reputation…So even before my friend’s get on to teasing me with a certain name… they find that I have kinda shaken it off already! Since it simply serves NO purpose to them, not even some entertainment…they have long stopped taking matters of my ‘heart’ seriously. No point now when if I get all dimpled at a certain name! Sigh!
But well…that’s when I turn to my blog!
So here I am, a 25 year old thing, contemplating moving out of my parents home by this year-end…and well…maybe do it the mommy-daddy way… read ‘shaadi’ in their dictionary… in fact its become their favourite opening line these days.. 'bas december tak dekhenge ji... zyaada nahi rukenge ab...'
Here I am…after 5 continuous yrs of work and busy scheds…wanting to take a break…only to find something that’d make me busier in life…and maybe burn off those calories, more seemlessly so…
Here I am…wanting, at one point, to study…and at another to just get married to some guy who can just about:
a. afford to buy as many books I want to read as I go back to and drown in my love for literature…(my own dream library- essential!)
b. lemme do up the house my way (ideally one with those huge ‘british-ishtlye’ windows)...
c. not crib when if and when I spend a bomb on those curtains that I suddenly fell in love with…(please!)
d. force me to carry his credit card when am off on a shopping spree... (:-) smiley me)
e. not complain that I cant cook yet…(life mein adjust karna padta hai)
f. and buy my reasons of ‘this may not be that tasty…but trust me it’ll keep you healthy dear’...
g. or smile at me and…jz cook something nice for me instead…(this is love...you've just proved it)
h. or wake me up with a chai (in a mug: important) every morning...(eternal love...darling)
i. listen to my rant…(very important)...
j. take me out for long drives…(cute) or maybe travel every few months on a so called break…get some goggled and smiling pictures clicked and put them on fb…for the world to read that I am happy in life and having my share of fun…(after spending a bomb buying a good camera that am gonna make u buy...you dun wanna waste it honey...do you?)
just about...!
And yet another moment dawns, bestowing on me.. a love for journalism…to move out of a cocoon of ‘just me and my life’…and launch into a world where you will always find yourself better placed and able…than many others… who need to be and can be helped in one way or the other… and reaching out to more such people every single day… most times, never knowing if you have made a difference at all… or at times watching an effort slowly snowball into a bigger one…a world that needs you to put in so much hard work to just walk into the same workplace as those 'news stars' that you dreamed about in those college years…a world which literally snatches away your most crucial possession from you…your time.. in fact even from your loved ones…but shapes you into an individual who becomes far more than an individual…it sculpts your thinking, tampers your genes…and in more than ways than just few…the effects are lasting…indeed!
And then there are bigger dreams…such as having a lot of cash to stash in your bank… for besides the essential daal-paani and stationary… journalism will do its best to keep you an aam aadmi! You are best recognized when you can rub shoulders with those suffering…and speak English on TV for those who can’t…lend an ear to what they say and do some translation stuff for your viewers. It works! And at the end of the day…your news star will smile exclusively at you and pat your back! But money? Well, that still lies in all the industries with lush offices that you keep walking into every other day carrying a heavy tripod! Trust me – journalism will take you places and show where all you can make that jump and grab that alternative career! But some darned slimy brain fluid…you will realize…will make you stick and keep fiddling with that pen in your hand! And so I just keep dreaming about that big bank balance! Amen!
And time passes…amidst these confusions followed by clarities…ever changing plans, dreams, ideas, practicalities…ever changing you! In this case, me!
I won’t say its easy being me! I would say I am rather a very difficult me! I may smile at many difficult times…and rant for the most unusual reasons…but ask my blog and it will tell you...that at times such as these...nothing comes easy! At times such as these, only quitting comes easy!
But just then, when I inch towards that nothingness, a time called ‘sometimes’ happens…
That ‘sometimes’…which brings you a random reason to smile…
That ‘sometimes’…when you come across such things in life … that you didn’t know existed!
That ‘sometimes’…that you wanted..to exist so much in the past that their existence in the present only causes fear…
That ‘sometimes’…when a face suddenly appears out of the most ordinary ones…and before you can look away, it leaves an imprint!
A smile, a fear…and who knows…maybe a tear to follow…
I don’t know if I willed it… I don’t know if I asked for it…the ‘sometimes’ is always an announced guest!
But what I know as of now…is that am smiling… like this :)
And that, I am not done with the stories, that are mine to write!
...
Or you wanted them to exist so much in the past that their existence in the present only causes fear…
These faces suddenly appear out of the most ordinary ones…and before you can look away, they leave an imprint!
I repeat… they only cause fear…a certain fear now!
Oh why then ...do I smile?
I am not over with my rant people!
And I can’t help it!
It’s the most difficult thing in the world... for a girl to accept that she has a crush on someone! :-) And trust me it takes more courage to write about it!
Knowing me though, most of my friends would disagree! I kinda have a reputation…So even before my friend’s get on to teasing me with a certain name… they find that I have kinda shaken it off already! Since it simply serves NO purpose to them, not even some entertainment…they have long stopped taking matters of my ‘heart’ seriously. No point now when if I get all dimpled at a certain name! Sigh!
But well…that’s when I turn to my blog!
So here I am, a 25 year old thing, contemplating moving out of my parents home by this year-end…and well…maybe do it the mommy-daddy way… read ‘shaadi’ in their dictionary… in fact its become their favourite opening line these days.. 'bas december tak dekhenge ji... zyaada nahi rukenge ab...'
Here I am…after 5 continuous yrs of work and busy scheds…wanting to take a break…only to find something that’d make me busier in life…and maybe burn off those calories, more seemlessly so…
Here I am…wanting, at one point, to study…and at another to just get married to some guy who can just about:
a. afford to buy as many books I want to read as I go back to and drown in my love for literature…(my own dream library- essential!)
b. lemme do up the house my way (ideally one with those huge ‘british-ishtlye’ windows)...
c. not crib when if and when I spend a bomb on those curtains that I suddenly fell in love with…(please!)
d. force me to carry his credit card when am off on a shopping spree... (:-) smiley me)
e. not complain that I cant cook yet…(life mein adjust karna padta hai)
f. and buy my reasons of ‘this may not be that tasty…but trust me it’ll keep you healthy dear’...
g. or smile at me and…jz cook something nice for me instead…(this is love...you've just proved it)
h. or wake me up with a chai (in a mug: important) every morning...(eternal love...darling)
i. listen to my rant…(very important)...
j. take me out for long drives…(cute) or maybe travel every few months on a so called break…get some goggled and smiling pictures clicked and put them on fb…for the world to read that I am happy in life and having my share of fun…(after spending a bomb buying a good camera that am gonna make u buy...you dun wanna waste it honey...do you?)
just about...!
And yet another moment dawns, bestowing on me.. a love for journalism…to move out of a cocoon of ‘just me and my life’…and launch into a world where you will always find yourself better placed and able…than many others… who need to be and can be helped in one way or the other… and reaching out to more such people every single day… most times, never knowing if you have made a difference at all… or at times watching an effort slowly snowball into a bigger one…a world that needs you to put in so much hard work to just walk into the same workplace as those 'news stars' that you dreamed about in those college years…a world which literally snatches away your most crucial possession from you…your time.. in fact even from your loved ones…but shapes you into an individual who becomes far more than an individual…it sculpts your thinking, tampers your genes…and in more than ways than just few…the effects are lasting…indeed!
And then there are bigger dreams…such as having a lot of cash to stash in your bank… for besides the essential daal-paani and stationary… journalism will do its best to keep you an aam aadmi! You are best recognized when you can rub shoulders with those suffering…and speak English on TV for those who can’t…lend an ear to what they say and do some translation stuff for your viewers. It works! And at the end of the day…your news star will smile exclusively at you and pat your back! But money? Well, that still lies in all the industries with lush offices that you keep walking into every other day carrying a heavy tripod! Trust me – journalism will take you places and show where all you can make that jump and grab that alternative career! But some darned slimy brain fluid…you will realize…will make you stick and keep fiddling with that pen in your hand! And so I just keep dreaming about that big bank balance! Amen!
And time passes…amidst these confusions followed by clarities…ever changing plans, dreams, ideas, practicalities…ever changing you! In this case, me!
I won’t say its easy being me! I would say I am rather a very difficult me! I may smile at many difficult times…and rant for the most unusual reasons…but ask my blog and it will tell you...that at times such as these...nothing comes easy! At times such as these, only quitting comes easy!
But just then, when I inch towards that nothingness, a time called ‘sometimes’ happens…
That ‘sometimes’…which brings you a random reason to smile…
That ‘sometimes’…when you come across such things in life … that you didn’t know existed!
That ‘sometimes’…that you wanted..to exist so much in the past that their existence in the present only causes fear…
That ‘sometimes’…when a face suddenly appears out of the most ordinary ones…and before you can look away, it leaves an imprint!
A smile, a fear…and who knows…maybe a tear to follow…
I don’t know if I willed it… I don’t know if I asked for it…the ‘sometimes’ is always an announced guest!
But what I know as of now…is that am smiling… like this :)
And that, I am not done with the stories, that are mine to write!
...
6 comments:
One word...FAB....!!!
:)
I must say... pretty interesting :)
tx lax :)
Hi Shalini, I am frnd to Mayanka and its thru her I got to know abt ur blog and I must accept that its very much real...
:)
thanks Dimple! am glad u liked it!
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