He stood there in the corner. Watching me. I didn’t know why. So I kept staring back too. Maybe I had invited him. Maybe.
It has become a regular play now.
...
No matter what time I finally do…retire for the day, from its stresses, the pressures, frequent phone calls, replying to messages, friends, bosses, emails, traffic, the blaring radio, mom, dad, dinner time complaints, 30 minutes of ndtv imagine…
Slowly ..after all that…as I slowly repeat to myself… that its time to relax and let go of the taut frame of mind…
On an auto mode then…I switch off the lights in the living room, dining room and whichever fan or tv or computer…goodnights already murmured… sweep one final look at the house… and finally step into my own cell… where each night I hope to find solitude…
Slipping into some softer bed clothes for a good night’s sleep…I loosen my hair…and try and impress upon myself that I am very tired…
Slowly I settle in and drown out the noises from the day…and begin to hear a voice that is mine…and there starts a conversation…at first its thinking nothing in particular…but soon it gets very personal…admitting, counseling, consoling, reflecting…
Slowly I start breathing again…
Then to break from it…and since sleep doesn’t elude me still…I try to remember what book that I was reading last night…and where I had left it…and hoping some character will sing me a lullaby…I pick up the heavy frame of woven papyrus…idling the neon lights to keep burning…and reminding myself that the bed lamp needs to be replaced and remembering yet again the list of must-do-things that I had simply forgotten…
Slowly…I drown my mind into the Burmese invasion by the British…sometimes almost nodding at familiar parts that CBSE taught me as a kid. So it was true! And soon I find myself breathing in life into a buried history.
Soon…after losing it for the most comfortable part…I find track of time again…and remind myself that tomorrow is going to be another day…Sigh! And reluctantly I let that heavy weight in my hand slip… and a final decision to sleep is made…and a forceful execution follows…I get up once more to switch off the lights… replace the bedside water bottle with a fresh one…
I ask the night to descend on me…but instead some intangible feelings do…rich memories from the past and a painfully beggar like reminder in the present…some dried out ambitions, (wonder why did they dry out anyway?), fallen leaves as many plans, swept by the roadside in the journey…that stay scattered around for a while…before I leave them behind….far behind…
And as a matter of escape… I flip my eyes open… maybe the darkness will help…
But the streetlights pour through the window and my room, to my dismay, I find, is streaked and splattered with it. Since I am in discord with closed eyelids…I follow the yellow streaks and its patterns… as it falls on some corners – strategic ones…and…
That’s when I spot him! Watching me…all this while!
I stare back…in cold blood. At first with shock...and then daring him.
He’s positioned at an angle that is easily ‘above me’. Preying me. I am perfectly still… part, because of a certain phobia since childhood. Part, trying to draw strength from a newly found adulthood. Whichever way…I needed time…so I let some pass.
Meanwhile, I observe that he’s taut…the day isn’t over for him yet…quite obviously I have provided for a silent but enough entertainment in the room…
He keeps watching me in silence. And I keep staring back. After a while…I assess he’s not an enemy…at least not upfront. But then, who knows… at times, the most harmless is just a façade…
I know he’s observed my every move… breathed the same air, listened to the music on my phone, watched as I changed…on the outside and the inside. He knew exactly where I had flung my head band…and clothes too. He must have photographed me, in his memory...smiling…or nodding or frowning…even my occasional ‘chin up’, lift of the head…staring at the ceiling…watching the projection of the British war on the clean slate of cement…overhead.
He must have! WTF… this is my room! My privacy! My fundamental right to privacy that I so treasure! Can't I move some law against him? I would quickly like to google! But then I smile…he’s too insignificant! I can …rather would like to...smash him with my own hands…with one stroke...the pleasure of taking the law into my own hands will be immense…I decide!
But while I waited to gather evidence against him...any one move...so that I shall preside over the rest of the execution with a clean conscience...he stood there in the corner. Watching me. Still. I didn’t know why. So I kept staring back too.
Maybe I had invited him. Maybe. Did I? I try to remember from last night!
Till finally…I drift off to sleep! And I am yet to google and find out…if spiders do really sleep! I am sure they do!
